Watching Over You
by BillieBruce
Summary: Set after Allegiant. Tris' POV. MAJOR SPOILERS. Summary inside for the benefit of those who have not read Allegiant.
1. Chapter 1

**So come on, who bawled their eyes out at the end of Allegiant? I did!**

**I didn't want to give too many spoilers away in the summary but this is a fanfic about what happens to Tobias after Tris dies. You might be thinking but we already know, well this is from Tris' point of view. How does she react to her death? How does she view Tobias and what will she think as he continues to live rest of his life?**

**That's a pretty terrible summary but please read it and let me know what you think. :) ****Billie. x **

**P.S. I edited this chapter to correct a few tense slips. Also, Divergent does not belong to me but to the wonderful (if heartbreaking) Veronica Roth!**

* * *

ONE

I watched as Tobias walked through the doors of the Bureau. He was relaxed, happy that our plan had been successful, but I could see his eyes scanning the lobby. He was looking for me. I swallowed and tried to ignore the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wouldn't get to celebrate our success with Tobias, wouldn't get to see if it all lasted and ended happily. I was dead.

I knew that I had done the right thing in taking Caleb's place, knew that I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if he had died instead of me, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. I didn't want to be dead; I had hoped I would survive, had been almost certain that I would. I hadn't banked on David waiting for me inside, armed and ready for a fight.

"What is it? Where's Tris?" Tobias demanded, a worried look spreading across his face.

"I'm sorry, Tobias," Cara said, she was bruised and her head was bandaged but I had seen a doctor tell her that she would be fine.

Christina was the one who replied, speaking roughly, "Sorry about what? Tell us what happened!"

I took a deep breath, out of habit not necessity, and watched as Cara told them what happened.

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she… she was shot. And she didn't survive. I'm so sorry."

I watched Tobias as Cara explained, he looked angry that she would even suggest such a thing but then I watched as realisation struck. His shoulders sagged, dropping with his mood. Cara and Christina kept talking, but I ignored them. I stepped slowly towards Tobias, wishing that I could comfort him; but if I could then he wouldn't need it. I placed my hand on his cheek but he didn't flinch, didn't notice, he couldn't feel my touch or my presence.

"I love you, Tobias," I whispered, praying that he would hear me. He didn't, he continued standing there as if a statue. He was welling up, tears forming in his eyes. That made the pain I felt worse, he never cried, not Four, the strong, Dauntless legend.

Christina was also crying when she asked to see me a few minutes later. "I want to see her, to say goodbye."

"I'll take you to her." Cara nodded weakly.

"Come on, Four," Christina says gently. She doesn't take his arm but he steps forward slowly and they walk side by side.

I trail behind, not desperate to see my body again. The full extent of my death has not fully set in yet and seeing my body terrifies me. I spent a while staring at the lifeless body on the table after I "woke up", confused, unable to believe that it was me. The last thing I remembered was my mother's embrace and then everything had gone dark.

When we arrive at the morgue, I watch as Tobias runs to my side, grabbing my hand. I know that he wants me to wake up, he wants me back. And I want to come back, I don't want to be dead, I want to be with Tobias. He falls to his knees next to the table and the tears come flooding out of him.

I can't stand idly by the door anymore and instead I rush to his side and slip my arms around him. I soothe him and whisper comforting words into his ear. I know that he can't hear me but it makes me feel better. If I could cry then I would; we would sit here on the floor together unable to comfort each other.

Tobias didn't sleep over the next few days, he didn't stop, instead choosing to walk the compound. I walk with him, supplying the company that I know he needs but can't fully have. He didn't speak to anyone for a long than a minute, ending conversations abruptly and walking away from the people who cared, the people who were worried.

I was happy to see that they were unleashing all of the water on the sculpture in the lobby. A big step had been taken in the Bureau and been successful so I was pleased to see that they recognised small steps weren't _always_ the way. I don't know if Tobias noticed, I also don't think he would have agreed that our efforts were successful. In his eyes, my sacrifice wouldn't count as a success.

"Tobias?" I heard Caleb ask in a small voice. I hadn't checked on Caleb since Tobias returned, I had spent every second with him, not wanting to be apart from him. I saw Tobias flinch and try to get away without speaking to my brother. I understood his pain and his hate; I would still be here if Caleb had gone into the Weapons Lab. "Wait. Please."

I turned before Tobias did, seeing my brother's pale face and bloodshot eyes. He has been crying, I know that he feels guilty for my sacrifice but I would not have had it any other way. When Tobias does finally face Caleb, he is angry but the emotion disappears from his face, quickly to be replaced by pain. Does he see me in my brother's features?

"I don't mean to bother you," my brother says politely. "But I have something to tell you. Something… she told me to tell you before…"

"Just get on with it," Tobias says roughly.

"She told me that if she didn't survive, I should tell you…" Caleb chokes, struggling against the moisture in his eyes. "That she didn't want to leave you."

I was glad that Caleb had passed along message; that Tobias would know that this wasn't like Erudite, I hadn't tried to trick him. Right up until the last moment, I really had intended Caleb to set off the memory serum. I didn't want to leave him, I loved him.

"Yeah? Then why did she? Why didn't she let you die?"

"You think I'm not asking myself that question? She loved me. Enough to hold me at gunpoint so she could die for me. I have no idea why, but that's just the way it is." Caleb walked away a second later. I watched him go, almost wanting to follow him. I didn't regret saving him, of course I didn't and I wondered if Caleb knew that.

Tobias sat on in the middle of the lobby, not caring if he was going to be in the way of anyone. I sat beside him and leant against his arm. We sat quietly, he didn't cry but he kept pressing his palms to his eyes as if the tears were trying to escape and he didn't want them to.

Sometime later, Cara approached. I was shocked to see Peter beside her, staring around the compound in wonder and confusion. She was explaining things to him as if he didn't know what they were. I realised that he had been reset, he no longer knew who he was or what he had done. I was surprised because he had been inoculated against the memory serum along with the rest of us, but it was probably for the best. Perhaps now he could start again and try to be less evil. Peter left a moment later and Cara sat down beside Tobias.

"You don't have to stay here," Tobias says.

"I don't have anywhere else to be and the quiet is nice."

The three of us sat in silence, watching the water.

"There you are," Christina said, jogging towards us. She, too, had been crying. We might have saved the GDs from discrimination in the Bureau but it had come at great pain to all of us. I don't think there was a single member of our group who had not been hurt in the process. "It's time. They're unplugging him."

I froze, how could I have been so selfish? In the aftermath of my death, I had completely forgotten that Uriah was still being kept alive by machines. I had forgotten that part of the mission had been to bring back his family so that they could say goodbye.

I didn't walk with my friends. I couldn't help still feeling a slight anger towards Tobias. He should have trusted me, we should have tried to stop the rebellion, the explosion that had effectively killed Uriah. When we arrived at the hospital, Zeke and his mother were inside the room with Uriah so we stood outside, watching through the observation window. Evelyn was there and tried to comfort Tobias but he rejected her. I slipped my hand into his slightly curled one. As usual, he didn't feel my touch and my heart contracted.

Tobias was angry about the presence of David, I could tell he was even before his outburst. Everyone tried to calm him down but it didn't make a difference and he still lunged at David when he left the small room. I tried to grab him, to hold him back from my clueless murderer but my hands went straight through him. That's how it was, I touch him lightly, pretend to hold hands and lean against him but when it really came down to it, I was dead. I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him; I couldn't grab him ever again. I was pulled from my despair when I heard Christina say it was time. I slipped through the wall and into the room with Uriah.

Zeke and his mother were holding each other's hands as well as Uriah's. They were speaking quietly, saying some kind of prayer. I placed a hand on Uriah's shoulder, he would be all right. Death wasn't so bad. The machines were switched off and a moment later, Uriah's mother stepped away from her son. When I looked up, my friends were crying and Tobias was gone. I didn't know where and would find him later but for now I also wanted to be sad for my friend. He had not died in some kind of admirable sacrifice; he had been injured by an explosion not even meant for him. It was not fair.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

The following day, Tobias got up early, not that he had slept. He still wasn't sleeping properly, although he was now at least drifting between sleep and consciousness rather than constantly wandering; it was a start. He stood up suddenly from the spot on the floor where I had found him the night before and began his usual wandering, maybe there wasn't quite so much improvement. Except today, he was wandering towards the labs where they kept the serums. I wasn't sure what he was going to do but I knew that it wouldn't be good.

When we reached the lab, Tobias picked up a vial of the memory serum and put it into his pocket; definitely not good.

"What are you doing?" I asked angrily, wishing that he could hear and answer me.

"I can't be here without you, I can't be without you, Tris." He said, miraculously having heard me. "Don't hate me."

"I won't hate you so long as you don't do anything stupid."

Tobias didn't respond this time and I realised that he hadn't heard me, he hadn't been speaking to _me_. He had been speaking to some imagined version of me that he had pictured inside his head. Tobias left the compound and made his way towards one of the trucks. I threw myself in front of the door, hoping to keep him from opening the door.

"Whatever you are planning, wherever you are going; don't. Just don't." I yelled, as if added volume could help my voice pass through the barriers of death.

I knew that my plan had failed when the door opened through me and Tobias stepped right through my body to climb into the truck. The worst part was, I didn't even feel it.

I joined Tobias in the cab of the truck and within minutes had worked out exactly where he was going; back to the city. Soon we were driving through Abnegation with its cracked pavements and dull streets. The truck stopped in front of a typical house but despite its appearance, it wasn't just any house. This was Tobias's childhood home; the home that he had left; the home where he had been beaten by his father. I had no idea why he had chosen to come here to this house full of bad memories.

I followed Tobias up the stairs to the hall where he stood in front of the panel which I knew covered a mirror only allowed on special occasions. He revealed the mirror and saw for the first time what I had spent days looking at; he was exceptionally pale and had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. He did something which I didn't expect and picked up the hair clippers, plugging them into the wall. He ran the clippers through his hair, hands experienced and confident. I watched as he cut away the hair until it was once again Abnegation short, as it had been when we first met. He then swept up the shorn hair, careful to capture even the smallest of hairs. When he stopped in front of the mirror again, I stepped forward to kiss the Dauntless flame which peeked out from the top of his shirt. I wished that I knew why he was there, in his father's house, a house that he had been relieved to escape at the age of sixteen. It took my only seconds to work it out, however, when his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a small tube. Memory serum.

"Tobias Eaton, don't you dare!" I leapt away from him, this time not bothering to attempt to swipe it away. I knew now that it wouldn't work. "Don't erase this, don't erase everything that has happened, don't erase everything we fought for. Don't erase me."

I spoke the last sentence as more of a whisper and, although he couldn't have heard me, he did seem to look up, to really look himself in the eye for just a second and then it was gone. He had decided.

"Matthew told me you stole some of the memory serum and a truck. I have to say, I didn't really believe him." Christina's voice came out of nowhere and for once I was glad to see her interfere.

"Then why did you come, if you didn't believe him?" Tobias' voice was dead, it had lost all life and all emotion. It physically hurt to hear him sound like that.

"Just in case," she began to walk towards Tobias. I stepped out of the way, praying that she would stop him as I couldn't. "Plus, I wanted to see the city one more time before it all changes. Give me that vial, Tobias."

"No," he said determinedly, curling his fingers protectively around the memory serum. "This is my decision, not yours."

"This is not your decision. This is the decision of a coward, and you're a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never." Christina spoke confidently, defiantly and I was glad. I only prayed that Tobias would listen, that he would pass the vial to her where she could crush it and stop it from ever passing his lips.

"Maybe I am now. Things have changed. I'm alright with it."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not!" I yelled, frustrated at not being heard.

"No you're not." Christina's voice was also raised. I look at Tobias; this is the most animated I have seen him in days but he still looks exhausted and simply rolls his eyes.

"You can't become a person she would hate. And she would have hated this." Christina's words were gentle and soft despite their angry and disapproving nature.

"Shut up!" Finally, this shook Tobias from his waking slumber and he became truly angry. "Shut up! You don't know what she would hate; you didn't know her, you–"

"I know enough." She cut him off. "I know she wouldn't want you to erase her from your memory like she didn't even matter to you!"

I couldn't have agreed more, I didn't want Tobias to forget me. It was selfish because it would easily have brought an end to his pain but on this occasion I couldn't, I wouldn't, be selfless. Tobias flung himself at Christina, slamming her into the wall and holding her there.

"If you dare suggest that again," he growled, voice deep in his throat. "I'll –"

"You'll what? Hurt me? You know, there's a word for big strong men who attack women, and it's coward!" She pushed him hard away from her.

Tobias faltered, eyes going distant and I knew what he was thinking of. He was thinking about the days and nights that he had spent in this house. The times when his father had beaten him and the times when Marcus had beaten Evelyn. That wasn't the person that Tobias wanted to be; he never wanted to be anything like his father. Realising what he had done, Tobias collapsed against the wall.

"I'm sorry," he said in a voice so small that he sounded like the young eighteen year old that I often forgot he was.

"I know," Christina answered. They stood silently for a moment and then Christina spoke again. "I know how it feels to want to forget everything. I also know how it feels for someone you love to get killed for no reason, and to want to trade all your memories of them for just a moment's peace."

I flinched as I realised that she was talking about Will. It was my fault that they were both suffering. I had been responsible for Will's death and now my own.

Christina took his hand which still tightly clenched the vial. "I didn't know Will long but he changed my life. He changed me. And I know Tris changed you even more. The person you became with her is worth being. If you swallow that serum, you'll never be able to find your way back to him."

I watch Tobias shake, tears forming in his eyes once again, hand clamping tighter around the vial and I want to hold him, to offer release from his pain. It is only a small relief when Christina takes him in her arms and hugs him; she shouldn't have to because it should be me. But I can't, I can never embrace him again. I watch as Tobias cries and slowly, I fall to the ground, shaking.

After a while, Tobias opens his fist and offers the vial to Christina. I cannot help but breathe a large sigh of relief when she quickly takes it and pockets the liquid. I also can't help but laugh when I listen to them talk of being friend and exchanging bracelets like Amity girls. Only Christina would manage to make light of such a serious situation.

* * *

**So these first two chapters have contained quite a lot of dialogue from the end of Allegiant, showing Tris' view of the events which took place. From now on, it's going to be my descriptions and dialogue etc as we see what happened in the two years not mentioned between the memory serum incident and the zip-lining. I hope you like it so far and I will try to update again soon but please review and let me know what you thought! :D Billie. x**


End file.
